Starting from Scratch
by KuroHonda
Summary: Prussia x Russia, Love loss and starting over, yaoi MxM
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: This shows m****ale x male love got a problem then turn around Now! Also read the full chapter before you get mad! A/N: I do not own the characters and I'm making no money off this story.**

"Ivan!" Prussia yelled running through the forest that surrounded the Russian's house. "Ivan!" He called again.

It had been a week since he had seen the Russian. A WEEK! Russia had never been gone that long before. Sure a day or two every now and then but never a week. He could still remember the Russian's sad smile as he left.

"I have something I must do Da? I will be back soon" The Russian had said but why wouldn't he tell him where he was going? Why did he look so sad and lost? The Russian handed him his scarf. "Take care of this for me da?"

"Of course," Prussia had answered feeling frightened.

After Russia had left the Baltics had kept him sane but as two days turned to three then to four he started to panic. Then today he had felt his heart stop. He had just been talking to Lithuania and suddenly dread had consumed him. He felt as though his heart would never beat again and he couldn't get enough air in his lungs.

So he had darted outside in his haste forgetting his coat. He was actually surprised he had shoes on. He didn't know how long he had been searching or where he was going all he knew was he had to get there and NOW!

"Ivan!" He screamed again begging that his love would be ok. His body was trembling but he had a feeling it wasn't from the cold.

"Here," He heard so softly he couldn't believe it still he ran towards it as fast as he could. 'Please be ok! Please be ok! Please! Please! Please!' Played in his head till it turned into a wordless plea. Sadly that plea turned into a cry of anguish.

There lying on the snow before him was Ivan, and for once the Russian wasn't smiling.

Prussia rushed to him tears running unchecked down his cheeks. The Russian's eyes were closed and his coat was covered in blood. Prussia fearing he was to late let out a sob that he would never deny. The Russian's eyes fluttered open sad smile returning to its place.

"It is to late my love," Ivan whispered in a strained voice.

"I know," Prussia sobbed. He did know it ever since the day Russia had handed him his scarf, he just didn't want to accept it. Russia caressed Prussia's face whipping the tears away.

"Do not cry my love," he cowed. "I will see you again." His voice as he said this allowed for no argument. Prussia just nodded letting the tears run down uncheck.

"Why?" He asked after a moment. "Why!"

"I killed him." Russia replied smile turning happy. "He can never hurt us again." Prussia had known that Ivan would go after Winter at some point. Especially after winter had almost killed Gilbert, but to think Winter was the one to kill Ivan, even if Ivan had killed him as well, made Gilbert sob again. "Thank you for loving me my krolik(bunny)." Prussia kissed him then one final time.

"No my love, thank you for loving me," he said against Ivan's lips. "I will always love you."

Russia smiled a truly happy smile and closed his eyes. His breathing became ragged and then stopped, and that's how the great Russia died, happy and loved.

Prussia had returned home to the panicking Baltics with Russia on his back. He had cried with the Baltics and called Belarus to tell her and Ukraine about their brothers passing and when the funeral would be. They buried Ivan in the middle of a sunflower field in a large green house so he would have sunflowers year round; it is the largest sunflower field in the world.

At the funeral Belarus slapped Gilbert yelling that he had failed to protect her brother. Prussia just nodded and handed her a bag with Russia's scarf in it.

"I think he would want you to have this back." He said as she stared at it. She started crying then and hugged Prussia. He let her cry on his shoulder.

After that Gilbert stopped eating and started drinking heavily. The Baltics worried about him endlessly and soon found that their attempts at feeding him were futile. Lithuania, though, would not give up and continued to try to feed him three times a day without fail for three weeks before he had had enough of Prussia's self-destruction.

"You must eat something!" Lithuania said eyes full of worry and pain. Prussia just ignored him and stared out the window. "Please!" Lithy begged.

"Leave me be!" Prussia yelled and watched as Lithy began to cry.

"I don't want to lose you too!" The little man yelled slapping the ex-Prussian and running out the door.

Lithuania ran out into the woods where he collapsed on his knees and cried. He just nelt there sobbing wishing somehow that everything would be ok again.

"You ok? You can't be sad in snow da?" Lithuania looked up to see a child, a child he never thought he would see again.

**A/N: OOoo! Who could it be? Hee hee hee I think it's rather obvious who it is but who knows. Any who comments are love and life so yeah! Oh and if anyone wants to complain about character death or yaoi then to you I say READ THE WARNING AND SHUT UP! **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n; Sorry for the wait but I lost internet for a little bit. Any way same warnings YAOI BOYXBOY ect. **

Prussia rushed outside at the sound of Lithy's scream only to turn the corner to a sight he never thought he'd see. There standing in front of Lithy and looking very confused was Russia. Well to be perfectly correct it was Russia as a kid.

"You know why he's screaming da?" The little Russia asked Prussia on sight. Lithy stopped screaming at that moment and looked to Prussia for and explanation.

"He's just surprised to see you. You're supposed to be dead." The Prussian answered the child. "Do you know who you are?"

"Of course I do I'm Russia but humans call me Ivan. That's all I remember though." The little kid answered.

"Maybe that's a good thing." Prussia mumbled not able to feel happy, sure Russia was back but was he really back? "We should get you inside so we can explain everything."

"But I need to get back to my family."

"Family?" Lithy and Prussia asked at the same time.

"Yes they'll be worried about me if I don't get back to them soon."

"Is this family human?" Prussia asked.

"Yes and they're very nice so I shouldn't worry them that would be mean."

"I'm sorry Ivan but you can't go back to them it would be too dangerous for you and them. You don't want them to get hurt do you?" Prussia started to lead the boy inside Lithy fallowing behind.

"No I don't want them hurt but I'll miss them." The child pouted.

"You have an entire family waiting for you here Russia." Lithy said making the Russian smile.

Russia settled in very quickly. He started calling Lithy mama and Poland mom, Estonia was dad and Latvia became big brother. Prussia on the other hand became Uncle Gil, and of course Belarus and Ukraine came by when they could to see their new baby brother but Belarus didn't seem very happy.

"What's wrong with you? You haven't tried to get him to love you or want to marry you since we found him." Prussia said when he caught her alone in the kitchen.

"He's not my Big Brother anymore." She said in almost a whisper. "Doesn't it bother you?"

"He is different but…"

"He's not just different his not the same person!" She yelled cutting him off before storming out of the room. Prussia just stood there not sure why he was so shocked by the thought that it wasn't his Russia. That little boy playing happily in the snow with Lithy was not the Russia he had fallen in love with and that made Prussia cry. He had got Russia back and yet he hadn't.

"Can I live here with that thought?" Prussia asked himself softly as he watched Ivan and Lithy build a snowman. The answer was no, no he couldn't. Prussia called Germany that evening.

"How are things going with Russia?" His brother asked not knowing the stab of pain it caused Prussia.

"He is adjusting well and it seems his old human family isn't looking too hard for him." Prussia answered leaning against the wall West could always make him feel a little better without even trying.

"That's good it would be hard to explain the situation to the authorities." Prussia had to laugh at that thought.

"We could always dress Lithy up like a girl and say he and Estonia were his really parents. " At this both the brothers laughed but Prussia's must not of sounded right because Germany started worrying.

"What's wrong brother you sound tired?" West asked.

"Well it's just that I guess I thought Russia was somehow really back but, it's not the same person and I don't really know what to feel." Prussia muttered not wanting to be heard. "I don't know if I can take living here and seeing him every day and knowing I lost my Russia and no matter what that boy isn't going to be him."

"You are welcome to live with me." Germany said surprising Prussia.

"What about you and Italy won't you two want to be alone?" Prussia asked.

"Italy has his own house and if you knock before you enter a room I'm sure it will be fine." Was Germany's answer and Prussia could hear the blush in his voice.

"When can you pick me up?"

"I'll be there tomorrow with Italy and Japan at around 12:00."

"Why with Japan?" Prussia asked.

"Kuro was friends with Russia remember? He wants to see the new Little Ivan." Germany said.

"He won't be little much longer he's aging fast it's only been three weeks and it looks like he's six now instead of five."

"That's probably because Russia's already a full grown nation." Germany said then there was a large crash behind him. "Sorry have to go see you tomorrow brother."

"See you tomorrow West." Prussia hung up and walked to his room laying down on his bed at that moment tomorrow was something Prussia didn't know what to do with.

**A/N: Alright that's all for this chapter once again sorry for the wait but here it is! The Russia and Dark Japan (Kuro) being friends thin is something me and my friends thought up just so you know. **


	3. Evil

**Dear everyone for today I'm going to write a chapter for one of my three stories so the one with the most votes by the end of today gets to be the winner and will wake up to a nice new chapter in the morning. So what are you waiting for? Get to it!**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: The winner is in!**

West arrived right on time the next day with Kuro and Italy in tow. Prussia gave his brother a tight hug.

"Thank you for this brother." He said a little sadly.

"You are more than welcome brother." Germany replied hitting him on the back harder than Prussia liked.

That was when little Russia walked in from the snow with Lithy in tow.

"Oh! I didn't know we were having gests today." Lithy said upon seeing Germany and company.

"Hello Lithy." Germany greeted warmly. "I thought it might be nice to meet little Russia. Hello Russia!"

"Russia this is Germany, that's Italy, and this is Kuro." Prussia said in introduction.

"It is very nice to meet you." Russia said smiling at them. Kuro knelt in front of him.

"You and me were good friends did you know that?" Everyone just sort of stared at them no one surprised that the honor bound Kuro had knelt for someone because Russia and him hand always been very close.

"I don't remember that." Russia said sadly.

"Would you like me to make friends with you all over again?" Kuro asked. Russia smiled and nodded starting to tug him outside.

"Come play with me in the snow then. I love the snow. I…" They all watched them go smiling until they were out of sight and hearing.

"So," Lithy started turning a glare on the three of them. "Why are you really here?" Prussia sighed.

"I'm moving back to Germany's house." He said.

"So you're just leaving us?" Lithy asked looking hurt. Germany started ushering Italy outside to give them privacy.

"I can't do this." Prussia answered brokenly once they'd left. "I just… I lost him you know? He died in my arms and this kid, he's not Russia not MY Russia. I just can't do this…"

"What do you mean not your Russia? That's every bit your Russia, the Russia that loved snow because Gilbert would play with him in it, the Russia that didn't feel the cold because you had hugged him that morning, the Russia that smiled _really_ smile. That boy out there is your Russia the Russia that could be happy again!" Prussia stared at him because it was true, that was the Russia he had worked so hard to get, the Russia that he had spent years trying to find under layer and layer of pain.  
>How could he walk away from this? Well he couldn't. He pulled Lithy into a tight hug.<p>

"Thank you." He said kissing his forehead before hurrying outside to play with His Russia.

So things changed. Germany, Italy and Kuro would visit as often as they could and Kuro became Russia's best friend again. Uncle Gilbert became his 'favorite big person' and Prussia started to smile again. Still thing were weird.

"Have you seen Ivan? Lithy and I can't find him anywhere." Estonia said leaning around the corner of the kitchen.

"No I haven't, sorry. I just got back from the store." Prussia said gesturing to all the bags beside him. Estonia nodded before heading off to look some more and Prussia started putting things away. He opened a cabinet to put away some spices and found Russia curled up inside asleep. Russia did that from time to time starting when he looked about 8, he would crawl into a cabinet and just sit there. He always seemed more comfortable like that and now it was proven as the Russian slept soundly.

Still Prussia didn't want him to awaken with some painful knot so he scooped him into his arms and carried him to bed. Only problem was that when he set the Russian down and went to leave Ivan clutched tightly to his shirt, so Prussia stayed so that he would sleep. When he awoke he wanted to play and that moment seemed to pass unnoticed.

The next day Russia was ten and Lithy had to run and get more clothes for him, Estonia went for shoes. It was odd because it had never happened that fast before but everyone just brushed it off, everyone but Russia. Latvia and Russia spent a lot of time playing in the snow that day and Russia made eight snow bunnies, something that Prussia taught him to do. Yes things were getting stranger but Russia seemed happy so no one worried.

"Uncle Gilbert?" Russia said as he leaned into Prussia's room late that night.

"Yes Russia?" He asked and gestured for the boy to come sit beside him on the bed and invitation Russia happily accepted.

"Uncle Gilbert were me and you friends before? Like Kuro and me?" The young boy asked snuggling into the bed beside Prussia.

"No we were… different." Prussia said struggling to find the right words.

"Different how?" Ivan asked with a yawn.

"I can't really explain it, but it doesn't matter you should get some sleep." Prussia said pulling the blanket over the boy.

"I love you Uncle Gilbert." Russia said sighing and curling into a ball.

"I love you too…" He waited for the boys breathing to become steady. "So much more than you know." With that Prussia kissed Russia's forehead and turned off the light lying down for sleep himself.

**A/N: Here it is the mighty winner! And I must say that this chapter is dedicated to FireflyLanterns0611 for the best description of why they liked my story. You made my day so I hope this makes yours! Plus a thanks to my friend **_**K**_** for all the story ideas!**


	5. notNextChapter

I figured you guys were wondering what was going on so here it goes. So someone I love has cancer, cancer on her spine, and we thought she would be fine after the stem cell treatment she got but no! No instead we get to find out that a person who never drank or smoked and has four kids plus is putting up with and alcoholic husband not only gets cancer on her spine that you can only treat with stem cells and that can only lengthen her life a few years but she also has another form of cancer called leukemia witch is treat able and won't kill her but now she needs to go through chemo again and lose the hair she just got back! Oh wait does it end there? Fuck no! It seems the steroids she had to take destroyed the inside of her hip and she needs a hip replacement! Still not the end! She is unable to walk and pain kills are not helping with the pain, something I also had to go through with my hip surgery when I woke up on morphine to find I could feel EVERYTHING!, and she can't get a hip replacement until she finishes chemo. Three months from now! So that is why I haven't been online and will continue to only be online in short spurts. I hope to finish the stories and post them but I just don't know right now…. Sorry… well ok I'm not sorry because this isn't my fault but still!


	6. Chapter 4

**A/N: Alright so I would feel bad about the wait if **_**my friend**_** wasn't dying it seems the treatable form of cancer wasn't so treatable after all and she started bleeding into her brain. She **_**isn't alive anymore**_** and I'm still struggling with her passing but I have started to live again. I really appreciate all the people who have sent me there well wishes you have all helped me so much. Thank you! Same warnings as always yaoi boy x boy, well ok wrong that's for future chapters yes still =P. Still don't own anything but my crazy brain. Enjoy the story!**

Russia was never one to allow for mysteries and with Gilbert it seemed that there could be not even the tiniest secret. He would ask everyone in the house where Gilbert was going even when he was only leaving the room. He would dig through his things and ask him questions on each item, up to and including his toothbrush. So you can understand that Russia finds it very annoying that no one will describe what Gilbert's and his relationship was like before he died. In fact everyone seemed to be actively avoiding the topic. Russia was now thirteen and felt that he deserved some answers even if no one wanted to give them. So Russia decided to ask the one person he was a little afraid to ask, Prussia.

"Uncle Gil?" Russia asked as he tapped on Prussia's bed room door.

"Yea? Come in Ivan." Prussia called through the door. Russia walked in to see Prussia sitting on his bed large book in hand. "What is it Ivan?"

"I wanted to ask you something." Russia said a little more timidly then he would have liked.

"Alright then ask away." Prussia said smiling at him.

"Were we friends before?" Prussia's smile fell a little.

"No Ivan we were not friends before."

"You always say that but if we weren't friends then what were we?" Russia asked a little angry because he didn't understand why everyone didn't want to talk about it.

"I don't think it matters Ivan. We're friends now that should be all that matters." With that Prussia stood and left the room. Russia wasn't going to take that though so he ran after him and caught his sleeve.

"I'm glad were friends Uncle Gil but… I feel like something is wrong. I feel like I need to know what we were like before." Russia begged not that he would ever admit that. Prussia sighed and took Russia's hand leading him back into Prussia's room and sitting him on the bed.

"I know this is going to be hard for you to understand but I can't tell you. I just can't. I don't think anyone can tell you Russia and even if they could I think that right now you're too young."

"I'm not a little kid I could understand it." Russia said defiantly.

"Ivan please just… Stop asking ok? I can't tell you." Prussia begged trying to show Russia how desperate he was for him to stop.

"Why can't you tell me?" Russia asked softly.

"Because it hurts to much." Prussia answered honestly. Russia nodded and wrapped his arms around Prussia.

"Ok I'll stop asking." He said. Prussia just nodded and hugged him tighter.

Three weeks later Russia was still keeping his promise even though he was now sixteen and defiantly old enough in his opinion. However he was still searching the house for clues to his past life. He was beginning to suspect that they had destroyed everything. He was beginning to lose hope.

Prussia was also having problems because as Little Russia got older he looked more and more like the Russia he once knew. He was getting some conflicting feelings from this. Prussia was starting to wonder once again if he should stay. After all he shouldn't be lusting after this boy, he wasn't his Russia. Everything Prussia had told him to leave except for a large part that still hoped that this boy was Russia, His Russia the one he loved.

Little did Prussia know that Ivan was starting to feel an attraction towards him. However Russia was far more excepting of his feelings for Gilbert. He figured that he could win Prussia if he just knew where he was starting from.

**A/N: Thank you all again for waiting so patiently for this chapter I hope you are enjoying the story!**** Also I'm going to be at Sac con this January for all three days! I'll be the Mad Hatter on Friday with a girl dressed in an owl kigurumi, Pitch Black from Rise of the Guardians on Saturday I'll be the one walking around with a Sandy cosplayer, and Sebastian Moran from Sherlock I'll be with a Richard Brook cosplayer, except we're both fem so it's Sebrina and Rachel. Come say hi if you want to but be nice I did just lose a friend. **


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